Looking Back

Well, 2012 is almost at it's end. Thank God!

This year was a very bitter sweet year, I'd say more bitter than sweet but lets see the cup half full here.

The bitter: 2012 was one of the hardest years of my life. Love lost, moving in with my mom, changes at school, friendships lost, financial struggles.

The sweet: I began to find out who Lauren REALLY is. Met my best friend in the whole world (pretty sure I wouldn't have survived this year without), found a love for kickboxing that lost me 15 pounds (more to come!) and most importantly learned that I am a strong child of God and HE will never give me more than I can handle.

Looking back on the year I can honestly say I am more happy to ring a new one in than ever. However, without this past year I would not be the person I am today, or the person I will be weeks, months or even years from now.

It took me a VERY long time to see things this way but, I couldn't agree more with the quote above. Here are a few others that sum up some of the things I've learned this year.

 

 

 

 

SO I am thankful for the trials and the blessings of this year. One of my resolutions for the new year is no looking back focus on what is ahead. What's done is done and it is what it is. Accept it, embrace it and be thankful for how it will mold me for better days. 

Hopefully 2013 will be a year of more blogging? Thank you for reading and HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

back to school....

It's almost that time, sad day? Naw, I am happy/excited...it's always a bitter sweet thing going back and getting busy. I am definitely anxious about some things... Like seeing X... but I am trying to keep a positive attitude about things and just keep my focus on what is important. The kids, Family, Friends, Life!

Anyway, This year I am wanting to go for a "new look".  I feel like a new person, so why not look it!! -I have lost 14 pounds (hopefully have 6 more I can shed before school starts to make it an even 20!!) --I am about to start the 17 day diet with some girlfriends from school, hopefully that'll give me a kick start! =)
-I emotionally chopped my hair off after the break up... part of me wishes I hadn't- miss the long hair, but itll grow back & doesn't look awful.... so I will suck it up!
- I am going to attempt to pull off the ombre look..... see below... less blonde/more carmel.

- I want new glasses! These are inspired by my new fashion icon and new FAV show, New Girl.

-have to have a super cute B2S outfit...right?!

 


Alright, that's all I've got for now! More soon, hopefully! =)

In Love Alone.

Youve been doing fine

youre getting on with life

getting on with life

makign sure that i cant get inside your mind

bc nothing can be gain with living inside yesterday

Im falling apart

im lying in the dark

and wondering where to start

to mend a broken heart 

cause everything was lost

the day you went away.

now theres nothing left thats real

ive forgotten how to feel

when im outside of your arms

bc youre all ive ever known

i should be moving on

im remaining strong

its like your happy on your own

guess ill be in love alone.

theres nobody to blame

if love is just a game 

and you refuse to play

i guess ill be ok

bc life will still go on 

even when youre gone

but youre everything to me

you change the way i breathe

you all that i can see

and if its meant to be

this love that i keep

will bring you back to me. 

now theres nothing left thats real

ive forgotten how to feel

when im outside of your arms

bc youre all ive ever known

i should be moving on

im remaining strong

its like your happy on your own

guess ill be in love alone.

im sorry if i gave too much

bc you told me from the start

that you didnt plan

to fall in love

now theres nothing left thats real

ive forgotten how to feel

when im outside of your arms

bc youre all ive ever known

i should be moving on

im remaining strong

its like your happy on your own

guess ill be in love alone.

blessings

I have had a really really hard past 2 days. :(

So why am I titling this blog "blessings"? --- because through the storms that have literally consumed my life the past 3 months I have learned 2 thinks.
1. I am blessed with WONDERFUL friendships. LOTs of em too. I cannot express how thankful I am for them because I would not be keeping my head above water right now without them and their words, ears and love. :)
2. I do not have room in my life for shady mc shadertons in my life. I just don't.

pretty black and white there for ya.

You always hear this when you're in rough parts of life that it's going to make you stronger, a better person... well I hope so, and I am beginning to see it already. I am trying to stay focused and look forward to the amazing & wonderful plans God has for my life. :)

Boundries...

I have learned that I am not good at setting these, or enforcing them either...
This summer has definitely been one full of learning and growth.
However, I have a long way to go still.

Steph and I went to boxing today.
I learned 2 things:
a.) their gear is S-T-I-N-K-Y!
b.) boxing (this class is like boot camp/circuit training/boxing on crack) is INTENSE!

that is all. for now. :)

39th day of summer...

AND the 4th of July.. 

I spent at my bestest's pool- drinking, eating & playing...

playing what?

just a friendly game o beer pong. in the pool. on a surf board. 

Yup- we are geniuses. 

Hope you had a wonderful 4th with your loved ones, I know I sure did. 

Very Thankful.

Manchester United Soccer Player=Steph

Last weekend was the best weekend I have had in a while! Things were starting to really pull themselves together in my life! I have been working out like a manaic lately, and really felt great about myself Saturday night! Steph and I went out for our friend Cortnie's birthday. Before we made it to dinner we stopped and bought me some pretty rad shoes... see below..

Stephanie refers to them as my "defense mechanism"... however, I am pretty sure I only defended myself agains...myself.. those suckers hurt!

We had dinner at this yummy little mexican restaurant and then we went dancing at Glass Cactus at the Gaylord Texan. EPIC NIGHT... I will just say that we saw the sun came up... hahaha :) Through the corse of the night we saw women grab a bass players junk, repeatedly... and were a little disgusted by this. We met Irish boys. Steph revealed that she is secretly british and plays soccer for manchester united. All - in - All---- great night! :) 

Me & Steph at Glass Cactus. :) 

In other news--- I found and apartment! Move in date is in August and I am very excited about it! :) Went to celebrate this decision with my sweet friends Jenna and Laura only to get home and feel like death. Fever, chills, sweats all hit out of no where. Went to the doctor on Tuesday to find out I have strep! ok... 1.)Who gets strep during the summer 2.) why am i getting strep when I am not even working or at school right now!!! OBNOXIOUS! Overall, I am pretty much back to normal, my antibiotics worked wonders... my energy level is just non existent. 

Well it's Thursday and I have no real plans for the weekend-- hoping something fun pops up here soon!! :) 

dealing... ish....

I have been working out at least twice a day lately-- its been a sort of therapy to me? Instead of being sad I work out- it's my thing.... which I guess is WAY better than.... eating shit? right?!

I am very angry about a lot of things in my life. I am dealing... by working out. Better than no dealing, right? 

I have been watching biggest loser for encouragement....  this is a quote i heard last night....

"Why do you think God built the emotion of crying in you? for fun? no. it takes strength to show vulnerability. only strong people can accept when their hurting. your emotions exist for a reason."- Jillian (who is currently kicking my ass daily)

Trying to accept and move on because he clearly has. 

This is exactly how i feel....

‎"Maybe you're only alloted a certain amount of tears per man; and I've used mine up. "-carrie bradshaw

sigh.

and the truth is...

I miss you.

decisions...

I can't make em it seems!!! It's a tad bit on the annoying side. From dog collars, to apartments, to what bar to go to..... I am indecisive. The only decision I seem to be able to make is what workout to do today. (which, i might add- been doing 2-a-days!!! On my way to my goal!) Anyway, I am not sure if this problem I am dealing with has anything to do with the obvious issue in my life... or what...but I am OVER it. Hopefully my dear friend "SASHA" (that was for you steph) will have something to say about this tomorrow. I'm getting to the point of just being exhausted by the entire thing.

Luckily I am blessed with WONDERFUL, AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL friends that love me at my highs/lows, the good/bad, the beautiful/ugly days... I am blessed. I have friends that get pissed for me, cry for me, and want to punch punching bags with me. In so many ways I am truly blessed, and sometimes it's hard to focus on those blessings...it's something I need to work on... but man- I am thankful. I don't think there are really words I can write or ways to express how appreciative I am for these people in my life so if you're reading this-- you know who you are & I love you.

Anyway, It's pretty funny the way God plans things. I visit Sasha tomorrow. The last day of the lease is tomorrow. I've had a rough week... and tomorrow I am assuming may be tough as well. Ironic to say the least. So, if you read this & pray-- include me... if you read this & don't -- send good/positive thoughts my way.

I will leave this post with a song that a dear friend, Mother figure in my life, gave me a few days after my world broke... I think I need to listen to this a little more often & find my way back to me.

apartment hunting...

ohhh boy, let me tell you! This is turning out to be a nightmare!

a. apartment prices have increase significantly since I last searched for one for myself.
b. I blame John. (because it's an easy thing to blame these days.)

I found one i REALLY like, but wasn't set on because price. However, searching around the area today I have learned that it isn't as ridiculously priced as I believed.... I have determined that 2 years ago-ish (the last time i looked for 1 bedroom apartments) they were not this expensive. $700 range was not absurd... but BUDDY now, it is! :( So... here it is!

These cute, hip, urbany apartments are located in the quaint downtown Carrollton square right next to Dart (need I ever feel the urge to ride the train instead of drive downtown?). I think theyre really trying to develop the area, I have a good feeling! :) It's not far from work... JENNA.... uptown is only like 15 min, addison is close, trainings are close and 35 is literally in arms reach. (incase i want to touch it, or if you were wondering? haha)

Pros: Hip, urban feel, walk to restaurants, close to work, friends, family, reasonable drive downtown/addison, brand stinkin new, nature trails, covered parking, first month FREE.
Cons: small, in Carrollton, pricey (but everything is), trains (noise???)

Heres the floor plan I am looking at:

ANYHOO- for some reason I think I know what I want to do...however, I'm incredibly indecisive. So, PLEASE-- suggestions, comments, concerns are welcome! :)

going to get busy...

Ofcourse the day after I blog all about my tv/netflix watching....my mother comes into my room to tell me she loves me and I need to do something instead of watching tv. HAHAHA figures. Let me start by saying, I do no subconsciously drown myself in television to avoid dealing with the painful stuff going on in my life. (my therapist may disagree) I do it, at this moment in time, because it is free-- and I am poor since payday is a day away. Makes all the sense in the world, am I right? AND it's not ALL I've been doing... yesterday, maybe, but thats the only day I haven't let the house. :P

With that being said I have decided to take action on my "to-do" list as I had planned yesterday anyway! I am going to head to the gym here soon and afterwards I am going to go find my new home! I am not sure how I feel about this... it's bitter sweet I suppose. I think it will be good for me to live on my own & figure Lauren out again.

I also thought that maybe I would start "production" on this addition to my living room!

I figured I could pull this off... hahaha, guess well see! :) I LOVED it, and even more loved the hole with wine corks in the middle because I have a glass bowl full of em-- perf! 

Anyhoo--- Im off to the gym but am trying to be better with the blogging so I will share the adventures of apartment hunting later! 

summer is here!

Well, it's day 14 of summer (i think...) and I have done a whole lot of nothing! Ok... I take that back. I have spent time with my wonderful friends!! :) I have recently been going through some BIG life changes and have been trying to figure some things out... I finally feel like I have somewhat returned to the old Lauren, however, I have a long way to go still.

I decided to make a little to-do list for week-3 of summer! Maybe be a little more productive and not spend the majority of my time watching tv via netflix, hulu and abc.com. I guess I have been productive in the sense that I am all caught up on my tv! :)

**please note item #6 on the list--- I watched Thor tonight and have decided he, or his identical twin, will be my next boyfriend/rebound/healer of my heart.

Steph (my new WONDERFUL friend who has been beyond amazing to me with all the shit I have been dealing with) and I groupon-ed a boxing class. YES, that is right! We are taking 10 boxing classes (you better watch yo-self!) I am super pumped about it! She has definitely become my adventure seeking pal in life--- I consider her my little God send.

Apartment hunting is also on the list. I am currently living at my moms and going the slightest bit insane. I wanted to try and stay the summer and saaaave money but I am just not sure it will happen.  There are a few places on my list to check out so we will see what happens.

Quite honestly, I am not sure if anyone ever reads this blog or if it is my own personal venting space via the web but I apologize for it being forever since I have blogged either way!

Anyway, I must get back to my episode of Felicity! (Yes, you read that right...)

Its been a looong week...

So this is it for now....

St. Pats day was a success.

Spring break recap is needed, however I am pooped!! Hopefully tomorrow! :)

Ladies Night::photo dump!

Last night I had a girls night out with some of my favorite ladies from school! We went to painting with a twist which I was totally pumped about because I had been wanting to go for a while now. We planned to do what they called Funky Blues. It was such a fun night! We started out at Farinas, a quaint little pizza and wine bar, on main street in downtown Grapevine. Then we ran to catch the class. Our group was definitely the lively one of the class, to say the least!

break number 1

break number 2

ALL DONE! =)

All of us with our finished products! Such a fun night!!

I decided that I must go back and do this once a month, for sure! 

Then, to top it off, I woke up to these this morning... Im blessed =)

SO, That's all I've got now... I will leave you with a photo of my injured guy-- sweetest, bravest little dude I know. Please continue to keep him in your prayers for strength and healing. 

Taking it back old school....

This past Tuesday John and I went to Medieval Times. ha- ha! Yep, you heard it right!!! I had been wanting to go for a while now, every time we drive by I remind myself. So i decided, it's spring break... lets do it! John had never been before, and It had been probably close to 15 years since I had been. We had a lot of fun though. I think the desire to go back will be satisfied for many years!! I told john maybe when our kid is 10 or so... =)

Prayers for Pogo

Well, this is an overdue post. Life... don't you just love how it gets in the way sometimes?! Work has been keeping me busy this year!! Today is the first official day of spring break, but Ill save those goodies for another post. Right now I am writing about 1 of the most important, wise, caring, men in my life. Yes-- he is furry, barks and has a tail... Pogo.

This might not be the best photo of him, however it's the best depiction of him =)

Late Friday night, after celebrating spring break with some co workers, John and I got home and I noticed that pogo was dragging his hind legs behind him in attempts to walk. Now, John has told me and I have heard about slipped discs from other dachshund owners... and so I instantly had an AWFUL feeling in the pit of my stomach. I lost it, completely. Probably a little over board, but I am sorry-- I love my dogs. This one has a special place in my heart for how wonderful he is to me and my annoying pup, Dakota. After a sleepless (for john) and long (for me) night... we woke up Saturday and took Pogo to the vet, only to have our fears confirmed. There were positives in there though.

1. Pogo did have feeling in his legs.

2. we could not see the actual disc that had slipped on the stray.

The vet put him on steroids and muscle relaxers and we were told to wait and come back Monday to check on his progress.

Well here we are, Monday... and I can tell you it's been a long, uneventful week since that awful night Friday night. Pogo went for his check up and we found out that he is making progress. And that he would be a perfect candidate for the back surgery that would potentially give his mobility back. As of now he isn't really walking at all, he will try but it's like his back legs are asleep... he drunkenly tries to get footing but is unsuccessful. It breaks my heart. =( The surgery is just out of our means financially, were teachers... and $3,000 minimum is just impossible for us.

I ask for your prayers. Pogo is somewhat of a healer to the people in his life, and now he needs the healing. I can sit next to him on the couch and love him till I have no more love to give but I truly feel that the only true healer for Pogo is God. My mom always tells me what a powerful thing prayer is and Pogo is definately a creature deserving of your thoughts and prayers. I believe that he is a fighter and can come back from this with His help. I will happily keep you posted on his progress but please, please just include him when you say your prayers at night. If you have met him, you know what a wonderful furry guy he truly is, and MY life has been bless and changed thanks to him.